It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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