All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
