You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
