Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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