i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she peed on how many people?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
