I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
