All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
