John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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