let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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