i barfeds in our rink
People in love make me want to vomit
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
