suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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