Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
