I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am naked and annoyed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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