He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
