apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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