Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
