I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
