I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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