Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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