3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
