Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my being single is dangerous.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
