I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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