I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
