Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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