Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
