thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
