Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
