you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
