I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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