Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
