whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
