I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
