She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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