How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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