Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
