The brown eye won't let me do that either.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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