we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
