so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
