so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
