I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
