If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
