You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We are two peas in an std pod
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
