How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
