Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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