brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
