Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
