When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
