Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
