but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
