Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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