I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
