I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
