I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
