My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
