So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
