Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
