My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
